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Highway to Hell
Hi my name is well, just call me Batman. I am once again higher than a 747 jumbo jet. I started to do meth again mid june of 2005, the reason was so i could stay awake at work. I drive a 95,000 pound truck and pup and work an average of 75 hours per week, which dont leave much time to sleep. I was getting at most maybe 4 hours per night and that just wasnt enough without help. I started falling asleep at the wheel, I finally decided that I needed to find an old friend of mine, that friend is the METHod man. it all went smooth 4 awhile until one morning. I had just got a full load of sand put on my truck, I was making a right turn on a newly plowed sand road. I watched my mirror till I saw my trailer was around the turn, so i took my eyes off the mirror and focused to the front of me when all of a sudden my truck stopped dead in its tracks. It fely as if I was just stuck like i had been many times before. I wa getting out of my truck 4 help getting unstuck when i saw in my mirror that the trailer was on its side. The road had collapsed under the weight of my truck, thankfully nobody was injured, that made me think real hard, What if that would have hapeened on the highway and i would have hit a vehicle with a family in it? That was it, i quit going to work. I continued getting high but at home, avoided my boss who was a great friend to me. I finally in december decided that i should stop using, my boss forgave me and let me keep my job, went back to work for a day after i recovered and when payday came i decided to get high one last time. I got high and then waited about 3 weeks before i got some again, only this night was the beginning of the worst nightmare of my life. It was January 13, 2006, I went to my friends house and scored and hung out there 4 awhile, then i got a call from my aunt telling me that my grandma whom i was very close to was at the hospital in very critical condition. She had been diagnosed with cancer early 2005. well in december they had told us she had 6 months to live so i didnt worry at that point yet. I went to the hospital to see her and for some reason when i got there i ws no longer high, anyway a fight broke out with some members of the family and i was asked to leave 4 raising my voice to try to get there attention to stop the fighting. The next day they said she had stabilized and sent her back to the nursing home. Well i was relieved, so i went and smoked it up. that saturday i was planning to visit with her at the home, well i never made it up there to see her, I chose to go out with a gorgeous woman whom i had liked for sometime, we went to the bar and she had an argument with the father of her child and i decided to call and give him a piece of my mind, well she got angry with me and started talking to another guy at the bar. I was extremely hurt by this, so i put on my sunglasses to hide the tears and tore out of there, was doing every bit of 90 mph thru town onto the interstate then thru town some more, well the dark glasses impaired my vision not to mention the booze and meth, i saw my turn at the last minute and hit the brakes and whipped the wheel and my car went out of control, i saw a pole coming at me fast so i tried to control it and managed to miss the pole and slid into a parking lot about half of a block from my friends house, i looked around to make sure i didnt hurt anyone and of course for police then proceeded to my friends house. When i arrived there i was already upset and someone picked a fight with me and i blacked out, i didnt hurt him and another friend clled my wife and she picked me up, she had just got me calmed down and almost asleep when the phone rang. It was 5:15 a.m. and it was my aunt on the phone. I knew right away what had happened, my grammy whom i love with all my heart had died. I lost it again and finally went to sleep, I stayed sober thru her funeral and then i was back at it again now worse than ever. for some reason i cant seem to get over her death and now the only pain relief is meth, if i dont have some when i wake up in the mornings i wake up almost drowning in a pool of my tears. I have a wonderful wife and 3 awesome kids that love me more than i can even imagine, still even that dont stop me. I can go thru 7 grams of meth in a 24 hour period by myself, it is killing me seeing how it hurts my wife and kids so much so i choose not to come home most of the time that and i dont want them to be around the dope. It has an unbelievable grip on me now and i dont know what to do, I cant stop, even when i want 2. I never planned to be high when she died, i thought i would be ok but i am not. i used to call her first thing when i woke up but all i get is a recording saying the number is no longer in service!!! What the fuck can i do to make this nightmare stop? Love dont seem to cure it, there are times when i get sick of the shit and want to flush it but for some reason cant do it. My mom and my baby brother also use and at one point i was able to stop to try and help my brother and now i get high with him, he is losing it and i am afraid for him too and still cant stop the urge i have!!! it is like a force that is driving me to use this shit to make the pain stop. If anyone who reads this and has any suggestions please tell me, I am willing to try almost anything to break free from this hellish grip meth has on me. Thanks for reading my letter,
--I am Batman |
Break the METH Cycle Click Here
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